Across the Universe
by fuschiaQUILL
Summary: The group finds themselves stranded in a strange world where coffee is the only socially acceptable drink of choice, everyone loves carnivals, and there isn't really much plot besides the usual fixation with feathers. KUROFAI


**Title:** Across the Universe (And Don't Forget to Make a Pit Stop at Starbucks)

**Author:** Misterwalnut

**Recipient:** mafoxfire

**Series:** Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles

**Characters/Pairings:** It's more gen than anything, but there's snippets of Mokona/coffee and Kuro/Fai.

**Rating:** PG-13

**Summary/Notes: **The group finds themselves stranded in a strange world where coffee is the only socially acceptable drink of choice, everyone loves carnivals, and there isn't really much plot besides the usual fixation with feathers. Lots of familial bonding with a side of unrequited Mokona/coffee, popcorn stands, and major identity crisis. Also, Sakura is oddly observant. This fic is _not_ Crack, claims the author, which is another way of wording 'Don't believe everything you read.'

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The first thing on Kurogane's mind after setting foot in this world - or, rather, waking up with bloodshot eyes and a headache loud enough to put an entire marching band out of work - is the realization that _one_, he's completely naked save for a pair of filmy boxers that do his modesty absolutely no justice, and _two_, there's a woman sleeping beside him.

"Fuck," he jumps, and scrambles out of bed. His head starts pounding and he grips the headboard for balance.

None of his companions are anywhere in sight, Kurogane confirms with a quick glance around the room. He takes another peek at the woman, and, upon spotting a glint of silver underneath her pillow that looks frighteningly like handcuffs, decides that he'd better be gone before she wakes up.

He slides off the bed with all the precision of a hazy, hung-over ninja, and feels another wave of nausea surge up as his feet taps the floor. The woman stirs faintly from behind him – the telltale sound of one waking up, Kurogane thinks, but maybe if he's quiet enough -

"Matt?" Comes a husky whisper from behind him, and he becomes so still he could almost be statuesque. "Baby, are you there?"

In retrospect, this was all rather embarrassing. He was a _ninja_, for god's sake; sneaking past this woman should be no challenge at all. He turns around, mentally preparing himself to deal with the woman's inevitable outburst of 'Who are you and what the hell are you doing in my bedroom?', when his heart stops for a moment. Engraved on the woman's forehead is a huge, gleaming ruby which, coincidentally, resembles perfectly the one Mokona has. Oh, _shit_.

He clears his throat and tries to look somewhat dignified in all his state of undress. "Um, actually, my name is - not Matt."

The look she gives him implies he's just said something implicitly ridiculous. "Not again, honey," She yawns. "I don't know how many times it'll take for this to get through your head, but faking amnesia is _not_ a particular turn-on of mine."

Kurogane blinks, and wonders what the hell this woman is going on about.

----------------------------

Through plenty of awkward conversation and futile insistence that Kurogane is, in fact, _Kurogane_ and not a man with severe identity crisis, he finds out that the woman's name is Ruby - he sneaks another look at her forehand and thinks, _Ruby_, how apt – and she's actually his daughter's English teacher. And this really brings a whole lot of things into perspective, because the last time he checked, Kurogane didn't even _have_ a daughter.

"Which can only mean one thing," he declares gravely. "We're stuck in some strange alternate universe."

"We?" Ruby shouts from the washroom, still getting dressed. A few minutes ago, Kurogane had taken note the state of their undress and politely asked her to do so, and she'd complied – but not before scoffing and mumbling on her way to the other room, "Prude."

The toilet flushes. "What in god's name are you babbling on about?" She asks again.

"Hn--" he grunts in lieu of a reply. The woman didn't seem to be aware that he and his companions were world-hoppers, essentially, traveling from one universe to the next in search of lovely glowing feathers. Or maybe it was all an act. "--Stop fooling around. You're Mokona, aren't you?"

"Uh, no. Anyways," She comes out of the washroom holding a tiny makeup bag, looking clean and composed with naught a hair out of place. "I've got to go now. If you don't feel like going back to the office, do take some time to clean the apartment. It's starting to smell like rotten fish in here, and we can't really rendezvous back at my place - you know, with me still being married to my husband and all."

He looks around the room and mentally notes his 'apartment' is a one-room studio with peeling floral wallpaper, cobwebs in all four ceiling corners and several dark stains on the - what once might've been white - carpet. "Wait," He calls out just as she opens the door to leave. "I'm coming with you."

"Oh?" She raises an eyebrow. "You've never taken an interest in my workplace before."

"What?" He asks in disbelief. "I've never asked about the school that my daughter - if she even exists - attends?"

"Never!"

Kurogane blinks. "I must've been a jackass."

"Oh, lord," She sounds exasperated. "Not this I'm-not-Matt-and-I've-no-clue-who-I-am nonsense again."

"My name is _Kurogane_," He grits his teeth. He suddenly thinks of Fai, the one and only person he's usually had to repeat this phrase to. How odd that, even out of the idiot mage's presence, he would have to continue reminding others to call him by his actual name.

"Spare me," She rolls her eyes, and glances at her watch. "Anyway, I have - _got_ - to go. Are you coming with or not?"

Kurogane nods, stands up, and realizes he's yet to dress himself. The woman's still standing by the door, looking at him with a mixture of annoyance and amusement.

"Five minutes," He grumbles.

"Five minutes," She agrees, and slams the door in his face.

----------------------------

Apart from the bleak weather, there's nothing spectacular about this world. People come and go as usual, too caught up in their own hectic life to notice anything out of the ordinary. While they wait for a cab, Kurogane notices that almost everyone takes care not to meet the eyes of strangers. It's a relief at first, to be certain that no one would come up to him to start a conversation, but after awhile, it's impossible not to notice that the streets are far too quiet. All one can hear is the sound of cars and footsteps rushing to and fro, and rarely does anyone speak loud enough to break the unnatural calm.

"Mokona," He addresses quietly, and shifts his head to see if anyone had looked up at the sound of his voice. No one did.

"My name is Ruby, but yes?" She answers in the same hushed manner, although there's an edge to her voice; _our conversations are none of your business_, it seems to say, and the hairs on Kurogane's neck rise.

"I – Never mind."

She looks at him oddly, and starts shaking her head in astonishment.

A few minutes later, they spot a taxi in the distance and Mokona – Ruby – whatever - starts waving frantically. A nearby man has been waiting for a taxi before they arrived at the bus stop, but the cab stops in front of her. He looks like he's itching to say something scathing, but decides it's not worth the trouble and walks away.

Kurogane lifts an eyebrow. The people here are odd, that's undeniable - but at least they don't go around getting into shit for no apparent reason. Fai, he thinks gleefully, might finally be out of his element.

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The minute he arrives on school grounds, Kurogane regrets his decision to tag along.

The students aren't much older than Syaoran, and as soon as Ruby slams the cab door shut with Kurogane standing right next to her, heads begin to turn.

"Yo, I think that's Mokona-sensei's boyfriend," A girl in an appalling purple jumper whispers to another girl in an equally appalling piss-yellow sweater.

"Um, isn't she, you know, _married_?" Piss-yellow-sweater girl whispers back, sounding one-fourth scandalized and three-fourths giddy at the prospect of juicy gossip. Kurogane furrows his brows. The children in this universe didn't do whispering well. He could hear them a well distance away, and, wait, Mokona-sensei?

"So your name _is_ Mokona," He turns to her, accusing.

She flicks him off with a glare. "I'm Ruby to _you_, bitch. Best not forget that."

He shoots her a rather menacing look. "Did you just call me-?"

"Yes, for christ's sake," and she throws her hands up in resignation. "It's not the ancient times, you know. Women are allowed to cuss."

In a moment of temporary insanity, Kurogane was actually tempted to bite back with a posh 'Well, I wouldn't want my daughter in the presence of such vulgar company" but reason kicked in (along with a bit of self-preservation; if the woman really was Mokona, she probably has some sort of magical powers) and he shut his mouth.

"Where's my daughter, then?"

She gives him another odd look. That must've been the fifth one today. "Why, over there, of course. The one leaning against the wall with no apparent friends whatsoever-"

"_What_?" Kurogane's voice somewhat resembles the fiery depths of hell, and Ruby/Mokona backs down a little.

"What?"

"That's – that's-"

"...Your daughter, yes," Ruby sounds like she thinks he has the intellectual capacity of a dog.

It takes one to know one, Kurogane mentally snaps, and breaks into a run towards the girl leaning against the wall. The girl leaning against the wall with no apparent friends whatsoever, a most useless section of his brain supplied.

"Kurogane?" Said girl looks up, shock painted across her pretty features, and Kurogane narrows his theories down. His supposed daughter is either Sakura, or a damned perfect clone of her.

"Sakura? What the hell's going on?"

"I don't have a clue," She shrugs. "I woke up in the middle of class, and my teacher accused me of napping." Her mouth twists a little. "As if I would fall asleep in a class that wasn't totally_boring_."

"Okay," Kurogane feels slightly relieved. At least he isn't alone in his suffering. "Let's get the hell out of here, unless you want to stay and hang around these-" He sneaks a glance at the girls with atrocious fashion sense. "-hoodlums."

"I'll go with you," Sakura's lip curls a bit. "This place is driving me nuts. And apparently, I have absolutely no friends whatsoever."

Kurogane shoots Ruby a dark look. She smirks back.

Sakura's face lights up. "Wait, did you just say _hoodlums_?"

"Never mind," Kurogane dismisses. "See the woman over there, with white hair and a huge gem on her forehead?"

"Yeah?"

"That's Mokona."

Sakura blinks. "Well, _yeah_. Her name's Mokona-sensei."

"What?" Kurogane asks in disbelief. "But she spent all morning denying it," and rather fervently, he added in his head. "Besides, that's disturbing. I think I-" And he paused, realizing the next few words about to come out of his mouth might not be suitable for Sakura's _purity_.

"What?" Sakura narrows her eyes. Kurogane realizes that his face must've drastically paled for the girl to have such a reaction.

"I think I forgot what I was going to say," He whistles innocently. Sakura's eyes narrow a bit more.

"...Right."

----------------------------

"I can't believe you practically dragged me out of my classroom!" Ruby screams at Kurogane, even though he's walking beside her. "Of all the – all the indignities I've had to endure this morning, you actually had the nerve to DRAG, by which I mean pull on my chic collared shirt, me out! And in front of my students no less!"

Kurogane screws up his face in such a manner that suggests he would very much like to: a) stick something blunt in his ear in hopes that the woman's ranting might be drowned out, or b) - a much simpler option - crawl into any nearby hole and die.

Sakura knows the man isn't suicidal, so she isn't all that worried.

"Oh, for god's sake, why do I even _bother_ wasting my breath with you?" She asks rhetorically.

A few minutes pass. "Well, I guess the sex _is_ okay, if you overlook the obvious genetic deficiencies," Ruby shoots a knowing look at Kurogane's lower region. At this point, steam is metaphorically blowing out of Kurogane's ears, and he gives Sakura a half-pleading half-resentful look.

"NO. I'm sorry, but you can't just kill her."

"Hmm? Kill whom?"

"Yes, I _can_. And there's no way in hell I could've slept with Mokona," Kurogane shudders for effect.

"What in the name-"

"That's enough," Kurogane cuts her off in a gruff voice he used to use when commanding soldiers for princess Tomoyo's army, and, sure enough, it works. Sakura snaps her mouth shut before blushing twenty shades of red.

"I sense there's a mall up ahead," Ruby smiles rather eerily. "Shall we check it out?"

Kurogane is decidedly freaked out now. "Are you Ruby or Mokona?" He asks, although judging by the Cheshire grin Ruby – or Mokona - is sporting, he doubts he'll receive an honest answer.

"Maybe I'm neither. Maybe I'm both!" The horrifying grin returns, and Kurogane's eyebrows are so high up he wouldn't be surprised if they blended in with his hairline.

"Huh," Sakura starts. "Mokona, can you sense any feathers?"

"For Christ's sake, my name is Ruby! Then again-"

"We'll call you Mokona," Kurogane interrupts curtly and settles the matter.

"Anyway, before I was so rudely interrupted," Mokona gives Kurogane a mildly condescending look before continuing. "I feel like there's an otherworldly force inside my body. Sort of like an invasion of personalities. Do you understand?"

"Hell no," spits Kurogane.

"Well, you're an utter dumb-ass," She declares tersely. "Sakura, dear, thank god you're here. At least you have some modicum of intelligence, unlike your dog of a father-"

"Sorry, I don't think I get it either," apologizes Sakura. "Let's head to the mall."

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To Mokona's disbelief (and Kurogane's immense relief), the mall turns out to be fairly empty. There are a few middle-aged shoppers here and there, plus the occasional group of students playing hooky, but the stores certainly aren't bustling with customers.

"Everyone must either be at work or in school," Sakura observes, sounding a little smug – no doubt over the fact that she's the exception.

"I'm thirsty," Mokona whines and checks her watch. "It's ten-fifteen, and had you not dragged me out of my classroom," She shoots a dark look at Kurogane, "I would be having my coffee break right about now."

Kurogane nods his head towards a store with a green circled logo. "I saw someone ordering a drink over there. Maybe it's worth checking out."

The expression on Mokona's face transforms from petulant to heavenly in the lengthy span of a second. "Ooh, Starbucks!" She exclaims, and practically hops over a trashcan to get to the booth. "Thank_god_. You're always here in my time of need, aren't you?"

"She's talking to a logo," Sakura observes, this time sounding a little taken-aback.

"It's probably normal in this world," Kurogane explains. That doesn't make it normal in my book, though, he adds silently.

A few minutes later, Mokona returns from the store with three cups in hand. Her eyes look a little wide. "An ice capp' for Sakura, latte for me, coffee – black – for Kurogane, and this lovely Starbucks sticker to keep me warm at night." She strokes the sticker fondly, bathing in her obliviousness to the looks of utter disbelief her companions are shooting her.

"The woman has gone insane," Sakura observes, sipping her ice cappuccino appreciatively.

Kurogane eyes his tar-colored drink with mild contempt. He lifts the cup to his nose to take a whiff, and his eyes widen a little. "Ugh," He grunts. "I'm not drinking this crap."

"Suit yourself," Mokona narrows her eyes and snatches the cup away from Kurogane. "Some people have no taste at all," she sighs. "It's alright, though. I know how to appreciate you, darling, I'll-"

"Excuse me," A man in a yellow baseball cap interrupts, much to the relief of the two poor souls whom had to endure Mokona's rambling.

He has quite a thick Texas/farmer accent, Sakura observes.

"My name's Petey Poppins, but y'all may call me Peppin'," He flashes Kurogane a grin full of blinding bleach-white teeth, and Kurogane resists the temptation to shield his eyes. "I normally don't speak to such pretty boys, but this is certainly an exception, ain't it?"

Mokona looks around. "Pretty boys? Where?" Kurogane looks mildly horrified.

"Anyway, just wanted to inform y'all that the carnival's in town today," He pulled out three tickets out of nowhere and handed them to Kurogane. "These 'ere are three coupons eligible for a free bag of popcorn at the Poppin's Poppin' Fresh Popcorn Stand, which can be found right to the right of the carnival entrance. G'day!"

"Wait, we don't want this-" But the man's gone in an instant.

"Well," Sakura shrugs and takes a coupon. "I guess we know what we're doing this afternoon."

----------------------------

Kurogane's conclusion that this universe, albeit seemingly ordinary, is more bizarre than Fai when he has access to sugar is further attested when they arrive at the carnival. The place is practically full of visitors old and young, male and female, and he has no clue why people here love carnivals so much – or how they're supposed to find the others in such a busy spot.

"I feel all strange and tingly inside," Mokona declares worriedly.

"Your eyes are huge," Sakura observes. "Are there feathers nearby?"

"Let's find the others first," Kurogane suggests, although it's more of a command than anything.

Mokona smiles into the distance, her eyes wide. "They're nearby. I can sense them."

Kurogane stares at her. Sakura sighs in relief. "Thank god there's still some residue of Mokona left in you," She smiles brightly, addressing Ruby.

"How _very_ fortunate," The woman scowls in response, her persona obviously shifting back to 'Ruby-mode'.

"Over there," Kurogane nods his head towards a large red-and-yellow striped cart, right to the right of the carnival entrance. The awning had 'Poppin's Poppin' Fresh Popcorn Stand' painted across in big, bold letters. They walk towards the cart in quick, large strides, and Kurogane slams the coupons on the counter. "Fai," He calls out, staring at the back of a very blonde and _very_ familiar man's head.

Said man jerks, turns around, and his eyes slowly widen in shock. "About time," He smiles in relief and unties the silly yellow apron around his waist. "What took you so long?"

"What the hell do you mean? Where were you? Where's Syaoran?"

Fai raises a finely trimmed eyebrow. "I sent him to fetch you. He was the one at the mall."

"The fine gentleman with the Texas drawl?" Mokona inquires curiously.

"Mokona? Is that you?" Fai stares are her for a second before clutching his stomach in laughter.

Kurogane rolls his eyes. "Hell," He mutters quietly. "I miss the peace already."

"Anyway, where's the feather?"

Sakura smirks. "Right here," She rips Mokona's latte open (ignoring the shriek of horror from the woman) and, sure enough, there was a glowing feather dipped in coffee.

"_What_." Kurogane said, straining his voice. "How did you-"

"I'm an observant girl," She winks. "Yeah, um, it was kind of obvious, with Mokona's eyes going wide every time she took a sip."

Kurogane narrows his eyes and huffs, clearly an exercise in resisting the temptation to snipe something scathing. Instead, he settles for inaudible grumbling.

"We're done here," Fai happily states the obvious and takes off the apron. "Shall we take our leave?"

"Aren't you going to keep that as a memento?" Syaoran pops out of nowhere and points to the apron. They share a look of mild amusement, which Kurogane catches, and he wonders what went on between those two.

"No," Fai eyes the offending particle menacingly. Then he proceeds to tear the apron up to shreds, to which Syaoran bursts out laughing.

"And we're gone," Mokona announces, and they pop out of this world in a flash of white light.


End file.
